The feeling that you are sacrificing your sense of self to be in a relationship with a toxic person is unfortunately a very common situation. To be involved in any type of relationship that brings disregard/disrespect to you can make you vulnerable to depression, despair, and anxiety – it can bring a steady stream of fear, disappointment, and pain.
Certainly, when you try to confront or talk about relationship issues with someone who has dysfunctional relationship patterns or has various mood and personality disorders, like narcissistic, borderline, etc., you predictably are in for some hard-core retaliation (except in the beginning when they are trying to ‘win’ you – love-bombing phase). It doesn’t take long to realize that this person does not take any type of criticism well, if at all. They will turn it immediately against you and throw the blame fiercely back at you, even if it makes no sense at all.
So, while approaching disagreements in this type of relationship, you soon learn that to achieve any peace in the relationship, you’ll be tempted to keep your frustrations to yourself, which creates intense loneliness. Most of us accomplish this superficial harmony through accommodating or pacifying them. This is where we begin to risk losing our sense of our own self and live in isolation without connection. It can be a very lonely place to be.
Over time, we:
· Give someone else’s words/emotions more authority than your own
· Scared to talk about real issues
· Get confused through their manipulation to where you question yourself (Gaslighting)
· Lose self-esteem
· Feel discarded, yet cling to the relationship
“One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by someone else.” – Unknown
Taking yourself back - living a life you want to live – is it possible? Yes. Will it take work? Yes. Being in ANY kind of a relationship that creates intense loneliness is destructive, but you can learn tools to be your own self, have joy again, and know that you have value and worth. If you need help in these areas, please reach out:
719-375-4622.
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